The Results

First off, thank you for the advice on the follow-up appointment, it really helped me get primed with some good questions to ask.

Now for the results…most likely bad luck!  Of the 12 mature follicles, we only got 6 eggs, which surprised Dr. D a little, but all 6 eggs were mature and fertilized.  Once fertilized 3 of the 6 stopped growing, they implanted the 4 cell, 5 cell and 6 cell embryos all rated A (ratings A-D with A being the best), ideally they should have been 6-8 cells, but pregnancy can result from a 4 cell embryo.  My E2 level was good (2400 3 days before retrieval and 2000 2 days before – it dropped because they had me stop the Menopur after the 2400 result).  Most surprisingly were C’s little swimmers!  He had been ranging in counts from 6-7 million and the day of retrieval he was at 31 million with great motility, Dr. D said it was an above average sample.  Which led me to think three things, 1) maybe his surgery was successful, it just a long time to get his boys going again, 2) if he is now “cured” maybe we could actually get pregnant on our own! and 3) the lab screwed up and had the wrong sample (in which case it is a relief that it did not work).  We asked if there was anything in my blood work that would have indicated a possible issue, or anything else with me – she said no, I am ideal, I am the type of patient they hope for.  So what the heck happened if I am ideal and C’s sample was above average??  Dr. D said it  must have been either bad luck or abnormal embryos (being 39, at least 50% of my eggs are likely to be abnormal).

These results give me mixed feelings.  I feel good because we didn’t find anything that points to a serious problem that will hurt our chances when trying again, but then I am a little sad and angry that it didn’t work if everything was supposedly so good.  I will count my blessings and we will move forward.

After the appointment we talked about how we felt about everything and our options.  We discussed with Dr. D the fact that if C’s counts stay as good as they were, IUI with injections is a good option for us.  The risk we run there is if his counts fluctuate as much as it seems, and they are low the day of insemination we are screwed (no pun intended).  We discussed the move to a new clinic, which we had already decided to do anyway.  While I am confident that the information Dr. D provided us is accurate and she is a nice person and easy to work with, she does come across as sort of a salesperson (not in a good way).  When asked specific questions, her responses are many times explaining the same thing she just explained with our previous question.  So while she is answering our questions, it is not always with as much detail as we would like, it sometimes feels like a canned response.  I also can’t help but have the results from the CDC website swimming around in my head – <8%, <8%…   That is really low, even for some one pushing 40 like me.  So some time after the start of the new year, we will make an appointment to talk with a different clinic.

This brought us to the discussion of time, and me not wanting 6 months to go by and having done nothing that moves us closer to being pregnant.  But that brings up the money discussion, which is a difficult one.  C feels the pressure being the sole income in the house right now, and I feel like less than nothing because I still have not found a job after being laid off a year ago.  My parents have offered help, my parent’s friends have offered help as they went through their own fertility difficulties, even saying they would hold a fundraiser for us, but C’s pride prevents him from wanting to accept help.  I understand that, our household income is good compared to many, so we shouldn’t need help.  But we also didn’t plan for me to lose my job or to have to spend $30,000 plus to try to get pregnant.  We are working through this issue, and we will make it work, we always do.

On a non IF related front, we got out tree on Friday after our appointment.  Of course it was the coldest day in 8 months!!  But the nursery wasn’t busy and we found our tree quickly!  We got a decent size tree and it wasn’t that expensive, perfect!!  Because I had class yesterday, we haven’t decorated yet.  We carried all of the decorations up from the basement this morning, I am going to start a pot of chili and while it is cooking I will string the lights.  I always do the lights, then we both put the ornaments on.  We will probably put on a cheesy Christmas movie, eat our chili and spend the evening decorating the tree.  Sounds like a perfect evening to me!!

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12 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Hope Springs said,

    It’s frustrating not to have proper explanations for what went wrong, but it’s also good news – there’s no reason why this shouldn’t work next time.

    I think psychologically it’s a good idea to change clinics – although I love my clinic and wouldn’t really want to go anywhere else, I can’t help thinking that we’re doing exactly the same things that we did last time, and last time it didn’t work. If you know you’re with a different clinic and doing some things a bit differently, it might help you to be more positive about your next cycle, which can’t be a bad thing.

    • 2

      I think you are right about being able to be more positive at a new clinic. There were so many frustrations surrounding our procedure at the old clinic, that it was difficult to stay positive about it. So, a fresh start somewhere else may give a better result.

  2. 3

    sonja said,

    I am glad to hear that they couldn’t find anything that went wrong with your cycle. You’re right that it’s both good and frustrating news. It means there’s always that small chance you could conceive naturally (which, small as it may be, is something that I have always clung to as I’m sure most women with that small chance do). It also means there isn’t a solid answer that’s “fixable” or can be addressed. I think moving to a different clinic might be a good idea. It’s a fresh start, a new lab (and the embryology lab’s skill is a huge factor), new perspective, etc. and you will be armed with your old records so you don’t repeat things you may wish to change up.

    As for the money issue, my venting is useless, but I really get angry that money should EVER come into play with infertility — it is SO unfair that most insurance companies don’t cover IF and that the treatments are so expensive. Infertility causes so much physical and emotional stress, the last thing you need is to worry about money. Sigh. But unfortunately it is a reality … maybe there is some way you might be able to get C to accept help from your parents? Even if it’s just a loan of sorts? A loan instead of a gift might make him feel better about it?

    • 4

      I agree with you about the money thing, it is ridiculously expensive. We live in one of the 13 states that has a law saying insurance has to cover fertility treatments, but there are too many loopholes with it. Neither my former employer nor C’s employer are based in this state so they don’t have to cover us. It is so frustrating!

  3. 5

    egghunt said,

    well it is definately good news that they didnt find anything terribly wrong with you both…. But I know that’s bitter sweet as it makes you wonder why it didnt work. We all have to just keep going till we find our golden eggs (or sperm!) don’t we? Thats all we can do.

    The money thing is difficult, my mother is pretty worried about how much money we are spending on our IVF treatment and originally they did offer to lend us some money, but it hasnt’come to that yet. I would never let money stand in the way of me having treatment but things would have to be pretty desparate before i’d take a loan from my parents, in some way it seems weird, like they would be buying my child for me or something and I could never get my head around that as it would feel like they had more rights to our baby because of it. So in a way I can see where C is coming from. But like I said, if the choice was a clear cut one between borrowing money from my parents Vs not being able to get treatment, I would borrow borrow borrow!!! I hope you both come to a decision that suits you. It must be hard emotionally on you that you are out of work, so please dont be too hard on yourself, I’m sure C knows how amazing you are and that there are certain things that are just out of your control. Its just unfair that you are dealing with two really big ones at the same time (employment & fertility).
    xx 🙂

    • 6

      Thanks for the support! It is hard to be out of work and going through the infertility stuff. Having a job would take just a little pressure off the whole money part of it. My primary physician was glad I wasn’t working, she thought being off would lessen the stress during IVF. I wanted to ask her if she then wanted to pay for it.

  4. 7

    sonja said,

    Just stopping by to check up on you … I hope you’re doing well!

    • 8

      Thanks so much for checking in. I have been “lurking” a little, so I must say CONGRATS to you! Your babies are beautiful! I am thrilled for you. You and your husband look so happy with your new family.

      C and I are actually in the middle of our second IVF cycle, retrieval is next week. While I would not trade the love and support I received from all of you the first time, for some reason I felt the need to keep this one quiet. And I haven’t felt like blogging. I started a few posts, but never finished them. I have been debating starting up again, but we will see.

      Thanks again for checking on me, I was really touched when I saw your comment. Congratulations to you again! (Your story scares the crap out of C, but I think it is great!) I am happy for you and will continue to lurk and will try to comment form time to time.

  5. 9

    sonja said,

    I’m so glad to hear you’re doing well! I was concerned, I will admit. *sheepish grin* I’m a worrier, what can I say? Thanks for the congrats — 4 babies scares the crap out me too, but it’s also a really amazing thing, and I know we were fortunate to beat the odds in such a high risk pregnancy. Once they’re out of the NICU I will begin to breathe easy worry-wise (although I may never sleep again).

    I will keep you guys in my thoughts and am sending you tons of good luck and positive vibes for gorgeous eggs and then beautiful embryos!

    I understand not wanting to blog — sometimes it just gets to be too much, especially when cycling becomes extremely intense and draining (both emotionally and physically). Hang in there!!

  6. 10

    sonja said,

    Just saying hi.

    • 11

      Hi, how are things going? It’s nice to hear from you.
      I admit to sneaking peeks at your posts from time to time. The babies look great!!! I can’t believe they are a year old. That’s so exciting! I bet it has been a crazy year.

  7. 12

    sonja said,

    I did go private, so shoot me an email at oninfertileground@gmail.com if you want to check in every so often. I hope things are going okay on your end! Still have you in my prayers ….


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