Archive for November, 2009

Paying it forward

Egghunt nominated me for my first awards, thank you very much!   I cannot say enough about the support and comfort her comments and blog have provided me.  I admire her strength and perseverance to keep fighting to get what she wants, the ever elusive baby!  So many times I have felt comforted, validated and reassured after reading her blog or comments.  I am very thankful our paths have crossed on this journey.

Overthetopaward

Spreader of Love Award

The rules for this award are simple. Click below to read them:
I LOVE YOU=8 letters which gives you 8 rules :
1-  Thank the person who nominated you for this award and write a little bit about why you love them.
2-  Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3-  Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4-  Nominate no more than 17 people (why 17?) who you love or you think could use some love.
5-  Write one word (you can only use a word once) about what you love about their blog.
6-  You cannot nominate someone who has already been nominated-the love has to spread to all.
7-  Post links to the 17 blogs you nominate.
8-  Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.

Over the Top blog award

Here are the rules:
1. You can only use one word!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers.
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!

The Survey
1. Where is your cell phone? good question
2. Your hair? brown
3. Your mother? supportive
4. Your father? serene
5. Your favorite food? pasta
6. Your dream last night? forgot
7. Your favorite drink? coke
8. Your dream/goal? children
9. What room are you in? living room
10. Your hobby? drawing, reading
11. Your fear? being unfulfilled
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? balancing interior design practice & motherhood
13. Where were you last night? home
14. Something that you aren’t? pregnant
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. Wish list item? baby
17. Where did you grow up? Minnesota
18. Last thing you did? walked dog
19. What are you wearing?  sweats
20. Your TV? new
21. Your pets? cat & dog
22. Friends? few, but good
23. Your life? floundering
24. Your mood? anxious
25. Missing someone? very much
26. Vehicle? Corolla
27. Something you’re not wearing? contacts
28. Your favorite store? urban nest
29. Your favorite color? Red
30. When was the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? today
32. Your best friend? fantastic
33. One place that I go to over and over? the airport
34. One person who e-mails me regularly? C
35. Favorite place to eat? Spiaggia

I have only been blogging a short time and there are only a handful of people I follow closely.  They have all received these awards, but I will nominate anyway because I love them!  These women have done more for me in the short time I have “known” them than I ever could have imagined.  I am so grateful we have discovered each other.

Egghunt who I mentioned above, but is worth another mention.  Her supportive words brought me back to the blogosphere after devastating news.

Myndi with a recent BFP – yea!  Her support and positive outlook have kept me going through a rough cycle.  Our cycles were neck and neck, it helped to have someone going through the same things at the same time.

Hope Springs who met her soulmate later in life, like me and is now struggling with fulfilling the dream of a large family.  I can relate so much to her experiences.  I love her heartfelt, honest posts.

Simple who just received some sad news, I am so sorry.  She tells it how it is and keeps me laughing.  A sense of humor is so important when going through something as big as infertility.


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Trying to get my life back

Spending the last seven weeks focused on the IVF cycle was like putting my life on hold.  Nothing else mattered.  Sure I was going through the motions and doing the things I was supposed to do, but my heart wasn’t in it.  I went to class, I met with my unemployed “support group”, I looked for a job, but 99% of my energy and thought went to the IVF.  So now that we are done with the first cycle and need to wait to start the second, it feels like everything is starting from scratch.  Time to refocus on finding a job (especially since we are going to have to pay for another cycle), refocus on class, refocus on taking care of the house.  It is amazing how much gets pushed down the priority list while you are in the throes of the infertility battle.

Overall, I am doing OK, but just OK.  I am still working my way through the grieving process and have my up days and down days.  I seem to mostly cry now when I am in the shower; maybe it is the being naked, looking down at my belly and knowing  there is nothing growing in there, feeling the skin itch on my backside as the injection sites are healing.  C has been great, I know this was very hard for him, too.  I think he is glad he has work to focus on.  We have spent some wonderful quality time together in the last week; it has made me appreciate how supportive and loving he is all that much more.

C and I usually go all out for Halloween, but this year we didn’t have it in us.  We put off the decision of whether to dress up and go out until we found out the results of the IVF.  As soon as it was a no I knew there was no way I would feel like being that social just four days later.  We stayed home, made some dinner and I had my first glass of wine in several months.  It was just what we needed, quiet time together.

In the ups and downs of this I go from crying and not wanting to do anything, to researching new clinics and options for next time.  We have made the decision to change clinics; while the nurses, u/s tech and doctor at our current clinic were all very nice, the process was lacking something for us.  I really wish we had done more research in choosing originally, but I was anxious to get started and didn’t realize there would be such a difference in treatments, protocols, “bedside manner” and success rates.  Now we have this first cycle under our belts and I know what questions to ask and know what kind of experience I want to have.  I hope that makes the difference in the final result of the second cycle.

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