Maybe next time

As most of you have probably figured out by the delay in me posting, we got a negative result.  I am sitting between denial and despair right now.  I chose denial for most of the day yesterday.   I was so sure it had worked, even though I know the odds were against us.  We can’t afford to do it right away again, so I don’t know when our next attempt will be.  Dr. D called today to see how I was doing and say sorry.  I wanted to say, “How do you think I’m doing?”  (I guess there is a little anger mixed with the denial and despair, too.)  We need to schedule our wtf? appointment, but I can’t deal with that yet.

C went back to work today, which is a good distraction for him.  So that means I am alone; which is hard, but I really don’t want to see anyone, don’t want to talk to anyone.  The only person I want to be with right now is C.  Maybe in a few days I will be tired of being a hermit, but not right now.

I think I am going to take a little break from writing my blog, at least for a few days or a week.  I feel as though I need to not focus on my fertility since there is nothing I can do about it for right now.  Just because you don’t see any new posts or comments from me for a little while, does not mean that I am not following your blogs and sending each of you love and support.  I wouldn’t have made it through this part of the journey without you.   I thank you with all my heart!  I will be back soon.  Hugs to you all.

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10 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Hope Springs said,

    I’m so sorry – I was really hoping it would be good news for you, and have been checking throughout the day in the hope of hearing something positive. I know exactly how much this sucks, because I got a BFN this morning too.

    Take care of yourself, and I’ll look forward to ‘seeing’ you again when you’re ready to come back. Huge ((((hugs)))).

  2. 3

    egghunt said,

    I’m so sorry for this outcome, I too have been checking continually to see your news and I really feel for you at this time. I know only too well that feeling of wanting to be alone and so please take as long as you need as no one understands what you are going through more than we do. It’s heartbreaking right now but with time you will find yourself being able to face the world again and you’ll be ready to fight infertility again sometime, in your own way. Right now though just take the time to grieve as if you’re anything like me it’s not till now that you realise how much emotions you had invested in this cycle. big, massive hugs.

    • 4

      Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind words and know you understand.

      • 5

        egghunt said,

        Hey, hope you are doing OK. I nominated you for a couple of awards … Because your blog is great and I wanted you to know that when you do come back here to bloggsvile we’ll be waiting for you.

      • 6

        Thanks for checking in, I am feeling like I am ready to get back in the game so to speak. Thanks for the nominations – I don’t know how the awards work or where to find the nominations, can you help me out with that? Thanks so much for your support, it means a lot and really helps.

      • 7

        egghunt said,

        Hey. If you go to my post here: http://egghunt.wordpress.com/2009/11/03/awards-ceremony/ then you’ll see the details of the awards that you’ve been given. All you have to do is copy & paste the award picture into your post and follow the ‘rules’ for each award (although I didnt!). You just then nominate anyone you want to recieve the award (pick your favourites but try to make sure they havent already recieved it).
        Hope this helps, let me know if you need more info

        PS – welcome back!

  3. 8

    Myndi said,

    This is not what I was hoping for you. I am so sorry that this cycle didn’t work out. I wish there was something I could say that would make it better, but I know from experience with my failed IUI’s that there isn’t. Taking a mental break from it all sounds like a very good idea. Take care of yourself and know that there are so many of us that are thinking of you and wishing you the best.

  4. 10

    ML said,

    I like the new look on your blog.
    Thinking of you with love.


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