Better day than yesterday

Yesterday was rough day, a want to throw the towel in kind of day.  After the gusher in the morning the day went down hill.  I felt sick all day, I kept going between nausea and feeling so bloated I wanted to throw up.  Then there was the headache, second day in a row, and by last night it was so bad it gave me the chills and made me more nauseous.  I was also so emotional, crying at the drop of a hat.  I am an emotional person anyway, but this was over the top.  The emotions took me to the dark place.  I have been so confident that the IVF is going to work, but yesterday I got so scared and sad that it isn’t going to work.  All of a sudden I could feel how devastated I will be if it doesn’t work.  I have really worked at being positive about the whole thing, but yesterday I couldn’t help but let those feelings out.  The combination of everything yesterday made me wonder if this is really all worth it, I know that it is and when all is said and down it will seem like it was nothing, but still the thought crept in.  Now the thought that it won’t work lurks in the back of my mind all the time.  Maybe that’s a good thing, help me prepare in case we don’t have a good result.

Today has been a better day.  The injections this morning weren’t perfect, but no gusher.  No nausea, but not much of an appetite either.  The headache would surface lightly, but it never stuck around.  I wasn’t that emotional today.  I was tired, but overall a pretty good day.  I think it helped that I had a great distraction, I got word that my former employer will pay for a class I want to take.  Yea!!  I am excited about the class and even more excited that it is being paid for!  It starts late Saturday morning, nothing like not finding out until the last minute if I will be reimbursed!  I will have to rush downtown after my appointment Saturday morning, it will help keep my mind off of what news the nurse will have when she calls.  I am going to be glad to have something else to focus on besides all of the IVF stuff.  I am happy to be feeling better and more positive today!  Now off to bed to dream about a positive today tomorrow.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    myndful said,

    I’m so sorry you had such a rough day. The side effects don’t sound like much fun. The good news is, it will be over soon, right? You should be done with stims in no time.

    As for worrying about it not working, that is just painfully normal I think. I suspect the closer I get, the more I’ll allow myself to give into those moments of panic. Staying positive sounds great, but isn’t always that easy. But rest assured that we’re out here supporting you, sending you positive thoughts, and wishing you the very, very best. You are absolutely not alone in this. It’s very comforting for me to know that someone else is going through this at around the same time as me. All of a sudden, I don’t feel so alone in this cycle. So thank you very much for sharing.

    Take good care of yourself! And best of luck in the coming week. I imagine it’s going to be a big one! 🙂

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